CCP: South Africa Reflection

“So, how was South Africa?”

I cringe every time I hear that question, not because I don’t want to talk about it, but because no matter how many times I try to think of an answer, I’m not sure how to condense it into a reasonable length.  I’m almost afraid to write this final post because this is the first time I’m trying to process everything through writing and I don’t know how scattered this might come out.  Africa was so many things to me, things that I don’t even know how to write about. Africa changed me as I was there, and continues to change me as I reflect on it.  It was one of the hardest experiences of my life, but I say that in an almost endearing way.  It was hard because I saw so much of myself that I did not want to see.  It was beautiful because I saw so much more of my need for Christ.

If beholding God is how we become more like Christ, then there have probably been more changes within me than I realize, because I learned more about God's character this summer than I have in a long time.  Today, I spent time reading through all the blog posts I wrote while I was over there, so there are many things I have already told you about that I won't repeat in this post.  However, if I could summarize the other overarching things that I learned this summer, it would be these things: 


1. God's plans are better than mine.  
It is not the first time I have been taught this lesson.  Living in this truth is a refreshing reality, but I often have to stop and tell my heart this over and over so that I can really soak in its beauty.  I don't view myself as much of a controlling person, but I am a planner and I generally believe that if you plan certain things, the outcome would be as I had expected it to be.  Not so.


This summer, I expected many people to come to know Christ.  The reality was that many many people heard about Christ, but less came to know him than I had imagined.  It was really hard doing ministry there at times; while the doors may have opened easily for us, hearts often remained closed.  It was difficult to labor continually and share with women who had no interest in what you were saying, but wanted to hang out with you simply because you were "American."  My heart cried out often for my own will to be done, for these women to receive Christ at that moment.  But clearly, in His sovereignty, He asked us to wait, and even though I did not always understand that, I knew that He had a better plan than I did.  The Lord strengthened me often by reminding me not to despair over gospel rejection, but persist faithfully in gospel proclamation.  God calls us to be faithful, not to be Saviors, and to trust that His purposes and plans are for good.  


I felt this as a lesson being taught to me over and over again in situations apart from ministry as well.  I remember the night that I found out I didn't get the job I wanted, I was a wreck.  I ended up calling my mom and speaking to her for a while.  In a moment of self-pity, I remember saying to her, "Mom, I know that when God tells me no it is for my good, but I am really frustrated that I keep hearing it.  I have heard no after no for several years now, not just in my jobs but in my dreams and in my life's plans." In her wisdom, she asked me where I was calling her from, and after I replied, "South Africa" she said, "It sounds to me like God gave you a pretty big 'yes.'"  I don't think I always realize that every no God gives me comes with a huge yes.  God says no to what appears to be "good," because He is saying yes to my best.  He says no with the knowledge that He has better in mind for me.  Even in the moments I forget this, I am reminded that when my plans are thwarted, His are not.  And His are better.

"For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith." {1 John 5:4}

2. God continually restores.
I read a quote this summer in a book my friend gave me that said, “The irony of God’s great exchange (missions) is that as we seek to rescue those in deep need, it’s often we ourselves who equally need to be rescued.” As God sent me overseas to reach men and women in need, I saw so many areas that I continually need to be rescued from.  My heart, though changed, is still at war with selfishness, pride, and discontentment.  God reached into my heart to fight battles that I felt I was losing, wielding weapons only He possessed.  He revisited wounds I thought I had closed and mended them gently and patiently, and He, by His grace, said “I refuse to leave you as you are.”  When I came home, I went to a worship night in Davidson where they sang a song that really resonated with me because of how much it related to this aspect of God: "I give it all to you God, trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me."  I give every battle with sin, every despair over failure, over to Christ knowing that it is intended to fashion me into a woman that lives continually in the presence of her beloved.


It was also hard living with so many other godly men and women because it became easy to feel exposed as sin after sin was revealed within you, because their light from Christ shined into my darkness.  Seeing Christ in them revealed many areas in my heart that I saw as sick and hurting, and I came to appreciate how Christ uses community to remind me of His restoration.  I found myself loving many of them more because of their grace toward me in my weaknesses, and am thankful that my fears of exposure were met with love.  They lived out loud Christ’s love daily, and Proverbs 27:17 seemed to be shouting at me through every prayer and display of love shown to me by my brother’s and sisters.  He continually restores, redeems, and sharpens me because of His great love and mercy, and I know that something beautiful is being done in me in the midst of every season.

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." {1 Peter 5:10}

3.  God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Studying the Old Testament opened my eyes to how merciful, gracious, and GOOD God is, not only in the New Testament with the giving of His Son, but from the beginning of creation.  I have heard so many people talk about how they view the God of the Old and New Testament in a different light: The Old Testament God is represented by wrath, and is ready to inflict judgment on His people.  The New Testament God is represented by grace and love.  HOW WRONG of a perspective that is.


It is not only wrong because God is unchanging, and His character is unfailing, but because that's not who he is in the Old Testament.  Plain and simple.  I wish that everyone had the same opportunity to study the Pentateuch as I did this summer, because now the Old Testament is not a foreign and unfamiliar text to me, but a testament of God's gracious love from beginning to end.  There are so many small things about the New Testament that I didn't understand, references to Israel and to the covenant, that I now look at in awe.  I see with more clarity that God keeps His promises, not just once, but every time.  He is still keeping the promises He made with Abraham, thousands of years later.  It provides such hope that the promises He makes toward me are being and will be fulfilled.




There are so many things that I feel I could write about, which is why this post has taken me over three weeks to write.  This trip showed me so much of what a beautiful Savior I have, what a glorious God I serve.  Every single time I cried out for Him, in praise and in meekness, he gently reminded me that, “he knows my frame.”  The fact that God knows every little thing I struggled with before I even faced it, and every part of my life that I would fail in, took on a more weighty and beautiful perspective for me this summer.  He knew all this and still loved me.  God knew the nights I would get home and feel like I had failed to relate to the women effectively.  He planned them all, and each of the days, both those in which I rejoiced and those I felt inadequate, He comforted and loved me. He knows all of these things, and still sings to me, “Katlyn, you are precious in my eyes, and honored and I love you.” (Is. 43:4) It moves me in unthinkable ways to know that I am precious in the sight of the one whom my sins slaughtered.  He knows I am dust, and that I have nothing to offer, and yet still gives me his grace and mercy in the face of it all.  What a beautiful, unfair exchange.


When I left Africa I had no idea how I had changed, but as I think back on who I was going in and who I became in my time there, I see the change.  I see my heart loving people I never knew, and I see my heart beginning to let go of dreams I once had to grasp greater dreams that Christ has given me.  Christ and His sovereignty were all over this summer.  From the first moment our team met at New Year’s Conference in January, He was over it all.  He was on the campus of Wits before we ever knew we would be there, preparing the men and women we would meet.  He was there in our teams failures and successes, in the times that we struggled to love each other and in the times that we joyfully shared life.  He was there when I cried during my quiet times in my room, longing for answers in my life and longing for the girls I had grown to love to find life.  His fingerprints were all over every person that He brought into my life, and every person he saw fit to take out of it.  In all of it, God was faithful, and in all of it, our team learned how to find joy in all circumstances.  When I pass through the waters, I know that they will not overwhelm me.  As I continue to walk through the fire, I know that I will not be burned or consumed, because my God is for me.  My soul learned more of how to find joy in all seasons. 

As a Christian, there are two choices that are set before you each day: Will you build God’s kingdom, or yours?  I encourage you, build God's kingdom.  Your kingdom will lay in ruins on your final day, and your riches and wealth will pass away.  God calls you to build your life on something that will never fade, a foundation and a hope that is steadfast and sure.  Whether you are in Africa or the United States, invest in what lasts.  Be a part of something bigger than yourself, submit yourself to the Lord, and you will find that living for His glory provides your life with more joy, peace, and contentedness than any career, dream, or person could ever supply.


"Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him!" (Ps. 33:8)


There is no one higher, no one greater, no one like our God.  

In Him alone,

Katlyn