It has been ages since I've posted something in here but tonight I had something that I thought was worth writing about, especially because of what time of year it is for those in CO (Campus Outreach). Invitations have gone out for many to either participate (again) in SBP as a team or room leader, and some have even received invitations to go on the CCP like I did last year.
Tonight, we had a reunion dinner at my house for our CCP, and it was such a joy to have most of our team in the same room loving each other as a family should. During this time, Bill passed out some letters that we wrote to ourselves at the first CCP retreat we had in January of this year. I vaguely remember him and Kristen telling us to write a letter to our future selves explaining some of the things that we were afraid of when we thought about the coming year and our upcoming trip to South Africa. I'm really glad I took the time to sit down and write out all my fears, because reading this letter tonight was such a reminder of God's faithfulness.
I wouldn't normally post these kinds of things, but I know that many people are currently in the process of deciding what to do with their summer, or even the rest of their lives. Below I have posted the letter, word for word, that I wrote to myself at the beginning of the year.
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January 21, 2012
Dear Katlyn,
It is your first CCP meeting and you are struggling with a lot of fears. I am going to explain them to you in this letter so that at the end of this summer you can reflect on them and be in awe of the Lord's faithfulness to you.
One of the biggest things I am scared about right now is raising the $6,000.00 of support. I barely pulled in all of the $1,650.00 for beach project last year and I have no idea where that extra $3,000.00 is going to come from. I know that this is going to take a lot of faith, patience, and perseverance but I am also very excited to see all of the amazing ways that God brings the money to you and the rest of the team.
The other thing I am scared about is finding a full time job for the fall. Realistically, I know that I can get by another year without it but I am scared that I will not be able to take care of this PTSL, and I need to start working this fall to do that. I hope that by the time you read this letter that prayer has been answered, but if you don't find a teaching job this year I pray that you faithfully trust the Lord to fulfill all your needs. The Lord is good and his promises endure forever, and he has promised to supply you with everything you need.
The last big thing that I am worried about is the load I am taking on with this spring semester in general. Between working full time, classes, ministry, and support raising, I pray that you will seek strength from the Lord and not from yourself (Nehemiah 6:9). I am praying that I will look back on this semester and see the Lord's hands all over your life and that you give Him the glory in the midst of ALL of it. You have a tendency to lean toward independence from others, but know that your success in this spring semester will be a direct result of God's goodness. You could have done NONE of this apart from Him.
I pray that the person reading this letter is different from the person writing it. I hope that the Lord transforms you more into a woman after His own heart-- one that seeks him in earnest and without abandon. The things that you will see and experience this spring and summer are only a glimpse of the amazing things the Lord has in store for you.
Katlyn
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I loved reading this because every single one of these prayers was answered.
I laugh now thinking about how nervous I was to raise support. It was one of the most faith growing experiences I had this year. Not only did I get the money I needed, but our team raised $104,000.00 in three months-- $2,000.00 over what we needed. None of that was of our own doing.
I cried in Africa because I found out I did not get a job at the school I had interviewed with-- a school that sounded like it was perfect for me. A month after I got home, I was asked to work as a teacher at a middle school I have grown to love, with a staff that I consider family. When God said no, he had so much better in mind.
My spring semester was tough and at times I felt incredibly overwhelmed, but as the saying goes, "life went on." By the grace of God, I pushed through and boarded a plane to live overseas for the summer.
All of these things, that seemed like such mountains at the time, seem so insignificant now. At the beginning of this journey in January, I felt like the writer in Psalm 121 who cried out for help in the face of seemingly insurmountable tasks. Now, almost a year later, it's hard to believe that they were even fears of mine.
Don't ever let fear make your decisions for you. Christ says, "For I have not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, and love, and self control." Christ will never use fear as a tactic to trick you into a good decision. Rest assured that that is not His voice.
As you all make decisions that require you to step out in faith, I pray that you remember as you lift your eyes to the hills, your help comes from the maker of heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:1-2)
Love,
Katlyn
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